Prompt 17: "Lesson Learned" #Reverb10

Alright, I have to say, maybe I'm just not taking time to reflect enough (sorry, it's hard enough to find to type the words that flow freely) but it really is starting to feel like these prompts are asking the same thing over and over again.  I think part of that is all the guest contributors.  If you ask 100 people to come up with a question in the vein of Reverb10's goals, they're going to be pretty similar.  I'm not involved enough to look into the selection process but it can be a little challenging to provide unique answers to repeat questions.

December 17 – Lesson Learned
What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
(Author: Tara Weaver)

Reverb10 appealed to me because I'm terrible at self reflection.  One of the behaviors I've learned through my upbringing is to avoid taking responsibility for your actions, or avoid taking actions altogether.  It's a quality in my father that I loathe, and I should also point out that finding similarities between him and I is something else I loathe.  So generally, if I feel like I'm trying to weasel out of the blame or avoid taking responsibility anger will provide the bravery necessary to step up.

For the reason, it's important to reflect and identify those flaws.  The easy path is to just "be who you are", to accept the genetic combination of your two parents to have provided you with everything you can be, and the education of your experiences to be the only filter on the world you need.  The enlightened path is to strive to be more than the sum of your parts.  Although I know I hate self reflection, and would rather be unhappy than figure out why I'm unhappy or come up with an idea for a change, I'm making the effort in writing my thoughts and feelings out here.
 

SO.  Some of the lessons of 2010.  In order to help me remember more of what all happened over the course of an entire year, I'm going to check out this My Year in Status thing I've seen popping up around Facebook. 

 

 

How interesting.  If you don't get the GetCurious, that's my Facebook and Twitter account name.

Here's some of the points the year in status made me realize.  Apparently I was really disappointed by Google Wave, because I bash it three times in this tiny selection of my year.  The reference to Pixar is interesting because it brings up how touched I am by beautiful accomplishments and that extra effiort that goes a long way, I say how I didn't like Up! but I just recently watched Toy Story 3 and they more than redeemed themselves.  When I mentioned "How is it March already? and "Sorry whatever is happening Saturday, I've forgotten" it perfectly illustrates my absentmindedness when it comes to scheduling and dates and planning ahead, I should probably try to be more organized.

 

(It's not a coincidence that the year I finally graduated college was the first year I started using a day planner, but have since stopped because there's little to go into it.  2011 must change this > I < must change this in 2011.)

"I shouldn't have internet connection whilst intoxicated" is universally applicable.  I'm glad I had the prescience to point that out before I did whatever stupid decisions followed.  I've never been a problematic drunk person, but I think this year was relatively tame compared to the end of college.  Except for the Four Loko experiment, which I admit that I enjoyed and would gladly repeat.

LOST ending sucked.  In 2009, when I was very depressed, one of my thoughts was "Well suicide isn't an option because LOST isn't done yet and I have to see how this turns out."  It's a good thing I was feeling much better by March of this year.  The fact is, there's always something worth living for, even if you can't name it yet.

I had forgotten how much fun we had driving that 2010 Chevy Camaro rental.  I really did change behind that wheel.  Deep down I harbor a self image that has class and style, that has great sex appeal and doesn't let the world's issues interfere with his life, has money and ambition and enjoys every day more than the last.  I'm pretty sure that version of me drives a 2010 Camaro, wherever he wants to.

So if I have an idea of a version of myself that lives like that, what are some of the things that hold me back? I can make a pretty quick list:  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of violence or ridicule,  confusion on how to make my ideas work, expectations from others to behave otherwise.  It's amazing, even at 27, how much I still behave like my 14 year old self.  I think most of my friends have learned how to live their own lives, and I don't actively do that, I do so passively.  If that's a lesson I learned in 2010 then in the year ahead I need to take better responsibility for who I am, and if I want to be someone other than who I am, take responsibility for that man too, because the only way they're going to meet is through me.

How's that for unique reply, stupid prompt 17 ((Also, Tara Weaver, author of prompt 17, sorry for the bashing, it would have been a great prompt )) and look at that response! I'm going to have to reread this later, after I get out of the house and go meet a new friend with an old friend for dinner.  (Maybe I'll pretend I'm driving a Camaro on the way there ;)