Prompt 18: "Try" #Reverb10

December 18 – Try
What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
(Author: Kaileen Elise)

 In 2011 I'd like to try living outside of Florida.  There. It's said, it's written, let it be done.

I don't think there was anything specific I had in mind for 2010 except to seek out happiness and find a job.  I did get a job, but it was more of a series of fortunate events that lead to it more than serious and consistent efforts on my part.  When I was looking for a job I found many job listings, but they all had so many applicants I wasn't surprised I was lost in the herd. When I didn't "go for it" I didn't get it, I don't know what big insight that's supposed to impart.  Not doing something means that thing doesn't happen.  Maybe it's just good to remind ourselves of that, especially if you're an expert at avoidance and procrastination.

Prompt 17: "Lesson Learned" #Reverb10

Alright, I have to say, maybe I'm just not taking time to reflect enough (sorry, it's hard enough to find to type the words that flow freely) but it really is starting to feel like these prompts are asking the same thing over and over again.  I think part of that is all the guest contributors.  If you ask 100 people to come up with a question in the vein of Reverb10's goals, they're going to be pretty similar.  I'm not involved enough to look into the selection process but it can be a little challenging to provide unique answers to repeat questions.

December 17 – Lesson Learned
What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
(Author: Tara Weaver)

Reverb10 appealed to me because I'm terrible at self reflection.  One of the behaviors I've learned through my upbringing is to avoid taking responsibility for your actions, or avoid taking actions altogether.  It's a quality in my father that I loathe, and I should also point out that finding similarities between him and I is something else I loathe.  So generally, if I feel like I'm trying to weasel out of the blame or avoid taking responsibility anger will provide the bravery necessary to step up.

For the reason, it's important to reflect and identify those flaws.  The easy path is to just "be who you are", to accept the genetic combination of your two parents to have provided you with everything you can be, and the education of your experiences to be the only filter on the world you need.  The enlightened path is to strive to be more than the sum of your parts.  Although I know I hate self reflection, and would rather be unhappy than figure out why I'm unhappy or come up with an idea for a change, I'm making the effort in writing my thoughts and feelings out here.
 

SO.  Some of the lessons of 2010.  In order to help me remember more of what all happened over the course of an entire year, I'm going to check out this My Year in Status thing I've seen popping up around Facebook. 

 

 

How interesting.  If you don't get the GetCurious, that's my Facebook and Twitter account name.

Here's some of the points the year in status made me realize.  Apparently I was really disappointed by Google Wave, because I bash it three times in this tiny selection of my year.  The reference to Pixar is interesting because it brings up how touched I am by beautiful accomplishments and that extra effiort that goes a long way, I say how I didn't like Up! but I just recently watched Toy Story 3 and they more than redeemed themselves.  When I mentioned "How is it March already? and "Sorry whatever is happening Saturday, I've forgotten" it perfectly illustrates my absentmindedness when it comes to scheduling and dates and planning ahead, I should probably try to be more organized.

 

(It's not a coincidence that the year I finally graduated college was the first year I started using a day planner, but have since stopped because there's little to go into it.  2011 must change this > I < must change this in 2011.)

"I shouldn't have internet connection whilst intoxicated" is universally applicable.  I'm glad I had the prescience to point that out before I did whatever stupid decisions followed.  I've never been a problematic drunk person, but I think this year was relatively tame compared to the end of college.  Except for the Four Loko experiment, which I admit that I enjoyed and would gladly repeat.

LOST ending sucked.  In 2009, when I was very depressed, one of my thoughts was "Well suicide isn't an option because LOST isn't done yet and I have to see how this turns out."  It's a good thing I was feeling much better by March of this year.  The fact is, there's always something worth living for, even if you can't name it yet.

I had forgotten how much fun we had driving that 2010 Chevy Camaro rental.  I really did change behind that wheel.  Deep down I harbor a self image that has class and style, that has great sex appeal and doesn't let the world's issues interfere with his life, has money and ambition and enjoys every day more than the last.  I'm pretty sure that version of me drives a 2010 Camaro, wherever he wants to.

So if I have an idea of a version of myself that lives like that, what are some of the things that hold me back? I can make a pretty quick list:  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of violence or ridicule,  confusion on how to make my ideas work, expectations from others to behave otherwise.  It's amazing, even at 27, how much I still behave like my 14 year old self.  I think most of my friends have learned how to live their own lives, and I don't actively do that, I do so passively.  If that's a lesson I learned in 2010 then in the year ahead I need to take better responsibility for who I am, and if I want to be someone other than who I am, take responsibility for that man too, because the only way they're going to meet is through me.

How's that for unique reply, stupid prompt 17 ((Also, Tara Weaver, author of prompt 17, sorry for the bashing, it would have been a great prompt )) and look at that response! I'm going to have to reread this later, after I get out of the house and go meet a new friend with an old friend for dinner.  (Maybe I'll pretend I'm driving a Camaro on the way there ;)

Prompt 16: "Friendship" #Reverb10

December 16 – Friendship
How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
(Author: Martha Mihalick)

I'm really not the "sudden burst" of insight type.  Occasionally a quote or a message will really open my eyes, but I'll still spend hours pondering why afterward.  There have been a few positive changes in my life in 2010 that I would say are the result of specific friends.  I'm really trying to find a balance between therapeutic writing for myself and keeping it brief for a reader, as few of those as may be.

I already touched briefly on my struggles not to rely to heavily on one friend, I think I started to become more aware of this in spring of 2009 but it's a gradual process that I relapse into all the time.  As stated in that post, we're hard wired to find someone to share our lives with, but in my case the wiring is fine but the software has a pointer set to the wrong address.  What a complex metaphor.  I'm fixated on the wrong person.  Gradual changes for that one.

In 2010 my friend Laura got me going to the gym again.  2007 was a great year for me fitness-wise.  It was mostly motivated by sex, but I had the time and the opportunity to exercise and enjoyed it.  When I stopped having the time and the enthusiasm for it, it wore off.  This year I enjoyed going again thanks to the support and insistance of my gym buddy Laura.  She had to stop shortly after I started, but I've stayed strong mostly since.  I've had some hiccups, when my iPod wasn't working, around Thanksgiving when I was traveling, and lately when I was sick, but I'm still committed.  Similar to my writing, the difference is my commitment.  It's ok to take breaks because I know it's still important to me to continue.

My friend Kyle taught me a good lesson this year.  We had always been casual friends until we became roommates.  His life is about five times busier than mine, and he likes it that way.  I may just be a more lazy person, but I admire his motivation and ability to physically stay active when others would become exhausted.  I learned from Kyle this year how to build a friendship of convenience and how to let that friendship fade back into a casual one after that ends.  When I was young my family moved every three years, and I just got use to it.  I was friends until I moved and then I started trying to find new friends at my new home.  (Insightfully I just realized that's also why I'm pretty likely to fixate on one person and build a single strong connection I can rely on than to try and cultivate many.)  Anyway, Kyle didn't intend any malice but when he moved away for med school this year he has just been so busy that staying in touch hasn't been a priority and he didn't have any reason to try to cram that into his schedule.  For me, that was disheartening, but it's also been revealing for my own behavior and learning to adapt.

My friend Jon continues to serve as an optimistic point of view, and did so today in fact, but changes in his life this year have been a very strong indicator that the path that society pressures us all to take isn't the best or only option.  Jon's 2010 has been very successful and I think it's because he takes the time to keep a level head, is patient for the good things in life to come to him, and willing to put in the hard work for the distant reward.  Each time he reminds me of these things I hope that they'll sink in.

The young parent friends I get to see regularly have had some beautiful lessons this year.  Carla and Chris have done such a great job with their son, despite having to "make it work" more often than not.  When I start pitying myself thinking about how much they accomplish with the help of each other and their friends usually helps me turn my pity into motivation.  Joey and Erin have such a great family too, and I never expected Joey to be in such a great place (abstractly) at this point.  He faced much of the same setbacks I did, even our apartment fire, and he's recovered gracefully.  Watching his little girls grow is so amazing and triggers paternal instincts in me that I never knew existed.  I'm so grateful to share in their experiences and very grateful that Joey and Erin found each other.

The prompt also asks who has helped change my perspective on the world this year, and I will say that the French and British users on Twitter that I've come to follow and had conversations with have helped me feel a lot better about my US sense of entitlement.  Where I might be living at home again, the twenty-seven year old boy in the UK expects his mother to do his laundry and bring him home a happy meal too.  That's a specific example, and I'm sure there are much more practical people as well, but I haven't made social connections on the other continents this year, the main change in my world perspective is that European young adults are just as lazy and confused as we are, which is a small comfort if you ignore how much larger it makes the issue of our entitled unemployment lifestyles.

Prompt 14: "Appreciate"

December 14 – Appreciate
What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
(Author: Victoria Klein)

The "thing" I appreciate the most is my smart phone, because it has all the answers to the questions I come up with, it keeps me connected socially (even if it's on a superficial level it seems to satisfy the psychological need), and it saves and shows me my music and pictures whenever I want.  Sorry there isn't any deeper reflection here, that's the facts and the prompt was very simple.  I express gratitude for it by using it everywhere and the unique shape makes it a walking advertisement for the product, this isn't intentional, again it's just the facts.

More interestingly, I appreciate that my parents didn't object to me moving back in at the end of the summer.  Just because they expected it didn't mean they had to make it an easy transition.  Mostly they leave me alone, and when they can they try not to wake me up when I'm trying to sleep in.  I eat out of their pantry and that's more hospitality than I'd want to allow, especially when the last brownies or cookies are gone if I were coming home from a day of work.  As for how I show gratitude, not nearly enough.  I try to be helpful and share the work, and stay out of their business.  I think they enjoy the third voice in conversations and having someone else to talk with so they don't drive each other AS crazy.  Still, that's not a lot of gratitude being expressed.

(I'm now ALMOST caught up with Reverb10 prompts)

Prompt 15: "5 Minutes" is one more than Madonna had. #Reverb10

December 15 – 5 Minutes
Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
(Author: Patti Digh)

Alright, I've had way longer to think about this than the prompt intended, but I'll keep true to the intention and write my thoughts in five minutes:

I'm living back home again, I moved into Kellyn's place with Josh and Kyle briefly after Angel moved to Ft. Lauderadale.  Alyssa Tieman also moved away to live with her family in Alabama, and Katie got married to Ben and they now live in Ft. Lauderdale. Matt got married to Jennifer in Houston, you drove there with Jim and Joanna, pics on Facebook.  Mike Maher visited frequently and is likely moving back to Orlando shortly.  Joseph is now working.  Josh has a one bedroom over at -----  and can tell you more about anything in that social circle, including some developments in "small world". Nick finally moved in with Jon. Lucus and Kelly split amiably. Your closest new friends are Sarah from NaNo '09, you've met a few times, and Emily at UCF LINK.  Also, Alyssa's friend Laura and her husband have been regular social contacts throughout the year, maintain this.

You have a new bank account with Chase it's #### $$$, Your old ones are still open as well.  Your credit card is paid off, try not to use it.  You paid a tax fine for early withdrawing your state IRA, because when you're 65 you're going to be rich or dead anyway.  You don't have health insurance or a job or any outstanding debt.

You're also single.

Relatedly, you've got a little black book note saved on your iPhone so brush up on what happened in that this year, it wasn't much.

Your sister graduated, it was amazing, you're so proud of her.  She's living with her boyfriend outside Gainesville.


No one's phone number has changed.

No one close passed away this year, you saw grandpa and grandma in November, they still love you and are healthy.

You worked for five months for the federal government but didn't get benefits, the resume reflects experience and references.  Any new contacts from that job are labeled in your address book.

A bunch of fun computer games came out, you still don't have time for them.  On the point of computers, you lost account security midway through the year so all your passwords have changed but you should be able to figure the new ones out from the multiple integral equations, substituting names as dates as indicated, that are written on the back of your checkbook, which is where you use to keep it.


2011 is a blank state, do your best not to lose your mind again next year :D

I had 0:12 left, although I think I had covered everything.  I probably would have left half of that out if I hadn't seen the prompt earlier in the day.  I hope I didn't offend anybody!

I think that if I really did have to do this, maybe write a "patch update" for a cloned version of me that had last been backed up in 2009 or something, I probably would have included a few more personal things, and emotional relevance, that I didn't put publicly here.

How curious to see that I was mostly concerned with salvaging social connections and practical matters such as finance and access codes.  I was also shocked at how well some of my data is actually organized, I was able to just write that stuff out fluidly without having to think too hard.

The little black book part isn't true, but I think Clone me would get the information from that clue. 

The thing about the passwords written in mathematical equations and subjective references in my checkbook is true, I got so frustrated when I had to change my passwords this year (I was pretty lazy about recycling the same few) that I had to write down a way to remember what accounts needed which.

This was a SUPER fun prompt though, it was like a Four Loko version of Reverb 10 (Note to Clone, don't drink Four Loko). 

Prompt 13: "Action" #Reverb10 on #NaNoWriMo

December 13 – Action
When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
(Author: Scott Belsky)

I immediately think about this year's NaNoWriMo novel. Last year I told my self, the next step is editing! Time to start editing! But it wasn't, and still isn't, and that was a major mistake.  The fact was I had stopped because I met the goal I had committed to, almost exactly like how I stopped serving meals at the nursery home after a few pity days past my requirement to receive a state tuition scholarship.  It wasn't that the job was done, or that I was frustrated and needed to stop, I simply reached the point I had committed to, and never re-committed to continue.  This year I need to recommit to continue working on Novel2010 until I feel that the story has concluded, and then start pondering the revision process.

I had originally given myself until December 10th to relax before starting in again, but that came and went.  Now I want to keep writing with a new word count goal, because sticking with what works is one of the easiest "next steps: to take.

Prompt 12: "Something about mind/body" #Reverb10

December 12 – Body Integration
This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
(Author: Patrick Reynolds)

There are nights when I have an impossible time trying to fall asleep.  Often I've had too much caffeine during the day, or I haven't had any and my body is going through some withdrawal, but I get VERY frustrated when I can't fall asleep, because anyone close to me can attest that I treasure my sleep time.  Anyway, a few years back I think I really disturbed one of my roommates when I announced that around 4:30AM the night before, lying in bed trying desperately to fall out of consciousness, I had "found my soul".  Apparently I had, for a while, felt like my soul had died, and in the late night under situations of extreme exhaustion, I felt like I had reconnected with my soul, somewhere about 6 cm above my bellybutton.

I don't really understand this prompt, I know that I don't exist in a state of balance, that my mind is constantly engaged in other thoughts and not paying direct conscious attention to my body.  It's why I, and other creatures of Earth, have an autonomic nervous system.  I think birds and fish do too.  Dinosaurs might have.   The best reply I can offer is that when I get REALLY tired, and can't fall asleep, my body feels funny.  And when I sleep in late, usually for two-three hours past when I expect to wake up, I have really super-vivid dreams that are better than regular sleep.

I think that the "moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present" is a result of epinephrine pouring out of the adrenal gland in such high doses that your mind stops pondering abstract thoughts and suddenly listens to all of your sensory feedback at once.  You are "simply a cohesive YOU".

Reverb10 Prompt 11: "Things I don't want in 2011"

December 11 – 11 Things
What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
(Author: Sam Davidson)

One of the drawbacks of being a few days behind on the Reverb prompts, beyond the feeling of guilt and the compiling procrastination, is having seen other people's responses to the prompts already.  I started to read Sarah's  posting on this prompt before my own but managed to stop before I got too far in.  It's more interesting to see what similarities we come up with independently than to simply agree with someone else's brilliance. 

#1:  Debt -  I am extremely fortunate to not have a mortgage or student loans (currently, could go back to school for some...) weighing on my shoulders.  After I pay off my holiday gift purchases I would like to spend 2011 without debt, as this was the first year that I was debt free and it was very empowering.

#2: Car Trouble - I doubt 2011 will be completely trouble free when it comes to vehicle maintenance, but I'd really enjoy it if everything continued to run mostly right.  The best way to eliminate car trouble is to continue driving carefully and to keep up on my routine maintenance.  I'm pretty good about taking care of my things, not obsessively, but I admit that caring for my car has never been a priority.  I hear it's supposed to be somewhere in the Y chromosome but apparently it's part of my mutation.

#3: Computer Viruses - No one ever needs these.  Let's all not have these.

#4: More Free Time -  Hate me if you want, but the time since college graduation has had a lot of free time, and I think prolonged periods alone make me pretty unhappy.  In 2011 I don't need a break, or time to relax, I need the opposite.  I know so many people would like to have more time for their hobbies.  I either need more hobbies, or more commitments.  I'm writing books for fun...

#5: Serious Injury / Health Concerns - This should be the hope for everyone, and I don't feel selfish for wishing this onto the 11 not in '11 list. I've gotten along fairly well without good health care for a few years now,  I'm fairly content with my health right now and have learned not to over-react to the smallest concerns, so I'd like to see 2011 continue with general good health.  I don't think I'll be healthy for the next sixty years, there might be more organs for young surgeons to practice on, but for the time being, I'll keep eating healthy-ish and visiting the gym as often as one would visit an aging relative and hope this is enough.

#6: Major health complications for family and close friends - I don't think I'll escape this one in 2011, my remaining grandparents are simply too old.  We celebrated the 90th birthday of my Grandpa this year (How did I manage to leave that out of Prompt 9 after all that pondering!?) and my grandmother has had a few trips into the hospital in 2010.  I am at peace with their age and they are both very happy with the lives they've had, so if they pass away this year, it will be sad but not devastating.  Devastating would be losing one of my rat pack brothers or my immediate family members, I try not to ever spend time dwelling on that possibility.  I'll keep treasuring my time with them and hopefully the opportunities will continue.

#7: Political Unrest - I think that the majority of my peers and Americans in my generation were enticed by the message of HOPE in 2008's elections.  Most of us had spent our most adult-formative years with George W. Bush as the President and felt that many of the political developments of that period had made America unpopular with the citizens of other nations.  Perhaps it is just a symptom of our generation to be overly concerned about what others think.  Since the election of Barack Obama, I personally have become less concerned about America's reputation abroad and more concerned about the social and economic flaws in our lives.  I think that almost as many people are as frustrated with the status quo as they were in 2008, and this frustration continues to grow across generations and political beliefs.  I think that President Obama is doing the best that he can, with an abundance of issues that need direction and leadership, and that he has put smart and successful minds into place where he was able to, but my hope is that in 2011 our country finds some unification and direction before the inevitably cut-throat campaigning of 2012.  There's plenty of time for improvement, and I'd be glad to put my efforts behind the answers in exchange for a salary and pension. (Both of which have been frozen at the State and Federal levels, currently.)

#8: Grue -  I like to sleep in the dark.  I think my room is a fairly secure place.  In 2011 I would like to encounter no Grue.

#9: Natural Disasters - Alright, this one is the biggest stretch yet.  We have an AMAZING planet.  It's continued existence is an unsung miracle.  I went to college for eight years (or at least was enrolled to be going) and I don't think I could run the calculations for how to heat, rotate, and angle a planet, figure out which chemical interactions would be non-volatile and self-replenishing, and manage to throw a satellite moon into the mix even if I devoted the rest of my life to it.  Our planet will probably quake a little, it will probably melt in the melty parts, freeze in the freeze parts, and rain in the rainy parts.  I even have a personal philosophy that the human species is grotesquely over-abundant, but I don't want to see a lot of innocent people die to sudden disasters they have no control over and no ability to escape.

#10: Betrayal - I'm starting to struggle. I've always been very bad about thinking about the future.  I would go so far as to call it a critical flaw.  I don't like to hypothesize without supporting evidence.  Betrayals ALWAYS suck though.  There are no good betrayals.  I'm going to go check with wikipedia.  Nope, the internet is backing me up on this one.  Betrayal, wherein a friendship or relationship is broken by an unexpected and unforgivable act, is universally bad.  I don't anticipate any personal ones this year, but I'm one hell of a grudge holder, so let's go ahead and include disappointing minor breaches of trust as well.

#11: Offspring - Sorry kids, I'm not ready for you.  I don't intend to use my own sperm to create babies anyway, but let's just put it on the list as a precaution.  I don't have any god-children for whom I may potentially become responsible for should Dark Wizards come to power and target my friends for opposing them.  Some of my friends have really awesome kids that I'll keep doting on though, it's good practice just in case I feel a little better prepared in 2014 or so.

Alright, there's my list.  If two people comment it will be a new record!

Prompt 10: "Wisdom"

December 10 – Wisdom
Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
(Author: Susannah Conway)

 This is kind of a tough prompt, because wisdom is very broadly defined.  I made a few smart choices this year, and thousands of decisions.  I don't know that any of them were particularly wise.

One decision I made this year that turned out to be very beneficial was to take the Census worker exam when the opportunity came up.  At first I wasn't going to bother, but then I thought why not take thirty mintues to fill out the paperwork in case they need me, I could use the money.  It lead to a very pleasant experience over the summer that brought in some extra income and also gave me something productive to do when I otherwise might have just wasted the time.  Additionally, I bonded with my fellow employees as I mentioned previously, and that too was unanticipated reward.

Frankly I'm not in a position to make a lot of tough choices or heavy impact decisions right now.  I think that I have the ability to weigh options and make informed decisions if the need arises, I certainly have in the past, but I don't have the responsibilities of the corporate world or health care professionals riding on my shoulders. 

I guess another wise decision was to take the opportunity to move in with some of good friends when I got the chance.  It seemed like a wasted effort, it was only going to be for a couple months and was barely two miles away from home,  but the time away from my family and getting to see those friends on a near-daily basis made it worth the effort.  I wish we had been roommates longer because that time was well spent.

In 2011 I don't know what tough choices will come my way, hopefully many decisions will arise around finance and employment, but whether it's money or social or health, I hope that each decision made is the right one.  When I draw from my experience, trust my instinct, and weigh all the options, then my decision is as wise as I can make it.

Prompt 9: "Party"

December 9 – Party
Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
(Author: Shauna Reid)

Parties
This year I attended some amazing events.  As much as I enjoy socializing, I hate stressing out about planning a party so I actually didn't throw any myself.  The year started off well in Melbourne, FL, which is a great place for people who are tired of the Orlando scene to escape to.  I rang in thte New Years with some of y best friends and new friends made on the spot.

This year my sister graduated from college and we had a great party for her, to celebrate her accomplishment and meet many of her friends from college.  In fine party tradition there was a good mix of old friends and family, and new faces with fresh perspectives, and i think that can make for one of the best atmospheres for people, especially with an underlying excuse to celebrate.

My birthday falls right in the middle of Summer, which made planning during the school year complicated as a child, but is very nice as another excuse to get together with friends during sunny days, especially here in Florida.  This year my best friends surprised me with a weekend on the beach that was as relaxing as I've ever experienced.  The place we stayed, Seashell resort and cottages, is designed to be the perfect retreat, with amazing rooms and views, and every amenity we could think of provided.  After two days we were so relaxed we needed to get away from the resort just to feel like we'd accomplished something, so it was the perfect length of stay.

Two of my friends, Ron and Darren, are masterful party planners, holding events each year that are "not to be missed".  Typically one of them will spend months planning birthday parties for the other and they are always so fun, with themes and decorations and games to be played.  This year, to break the cycle, they agreed to jointly throw a party for a third friend who was celebrating a milestone birthday.  If individually their parties were noteworthy, their joint efforts were unforgetable.  I'm so excited every time I receive an invitation to join in their merry-making.  In 2010 I saw them only twice, both times at parties, including the incredible thanksgiving dinner they hosted for all of their friends, and I hope in 2011 I make it a priority to see them more often, without the pressure of hosting a marvelous party on either of their shoulders.

Although it's not really a party in the traditional sense, whenever my sister comes back to town to visit, and we have dinner with my parents, it feels like a small party.  It's a blessing each time, and I'm so glad she has found such a neat guy to spend her life with.  I feel like both of our families are supportive of their relationship and I hope in 2011 we'll get to celebrate in this manner even more.

Even the small gatherings with friends, at homes, coffee shops, and pizza parlors can feel like a party when that perfect blend of inclusion and openness meets stimulating conversation or fun games, in 2010 I experienced this often, and in 2011 I hope to continue the trend while bringing even more people into the fold.

Prompt 8: "Beautifully Different"

December 8 – Beautifully Different.
Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
(Author: Karen Walrond)

I didn't see any warm welcomes for this prompt when it first showed up.  A lot of the responses that I read felt that this prompt was self serving or aggrandizing.  I felt a little arrogant when I was reading those posts because I was initially excited to respond.  Don't mistake my very late posting for a lack of enthusiasm, just a symptom of an otherwise busy weekend.

One of the things I liked about this prompt is that it was asking me to self-reflect more on myself than on the past year, because as stated previously, this year wasn't that exciting or momentous.  I hope my readers will excuse my hubris for a few paragraphs while I try to write out some of my personally favorite traits.

The first thing to come to mind was a time when my good friend Katie told me how much she missed hearing me laugh.  Our friendship had suffered as we struggled to figure out our plans after college graduation and we hadn't seen much of each other despite being very close previously.  I knew what she meant as soon as she said it though, because around Katie I would never try to hold back my laughter.  If something made me laugh, and I often would laugh when we were together, I would guffaw loudly and without the slightest care for the people around me.  In my mind, if someone is affronted by laughter than their quarrel is an internal issue, not with me. 

Katie was right, I hadn't laughed so freely in a long time when she mentioned it.  One thing she still doesn't know is, I rarely would laugh that way around anyone else, it was something that had grown out of our supportive and caring friendship and the way we let our guard down when we spent time together.  Unfortunately, after I realized it was lacking, I started trying to bring that same sense of joy out more often, but even to myself my laughter can sound forced sometimes.  The fact is, true joy is a product of our company, more that ourselves.

I think one of the things that makes me different from a lot of men is how deeply I connect to characters in movies and theatre, or even particularly moving pieces of music without any characters to watch.  There may be many factors at play, and I don't mean to raise a question of masculinity, but when I feel intense joy or witness a particularly human moment, I get teary eyed.  My sister is the same, and we joke that it's genetic.  Maybe it is genes, our mother certainly does it, but I'd like to think that the kind of empathy involved is something that we've learned, through a caring upbringing, or perhaps with just the right amount of "want" that we can identify and celebrate the best in others, or be moved when we observe something touching. 

In a similar way, I've always been glad to share a talent for listening to other people express their problems and concerns and offer insight if possible, but mostly just provide that warm shoulder and lend an ear.  Frequently I ponder if this is the path I was meant for all along, some kind of counseling or therapy, but the realities of the profession make me hesitant.  I don't want to learn to be calloused enough to leave my work at the office, or ever let psychological theory lead me to behave in a way counter to my instincts.

There may be many reasons that the people who are my friends are drawn to me, but beyond physical features and socio-economic status, I think one of my gifts as a friend is being that person who can listen and support quietly, or even come up with good advice with enough time to reflect.  It may not be beautifully different, but I consider it part of my beauty.

Prompt 7: "Community"

December 7 – Community.
Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
(Author: Cali Harris)

 In 2010 I had surprising growth in two communities.  First of all, as a temporary worker with the census I experienced growth in my literal physical community.  I was so lucky to get to train nearby with others who lived in my own area of town and later take on a leadership role with them.  It was very exciting to discuss where we would be working, what kind of welcome we received, and just the general changes we'd observed in our area over the past few years.  Ironically, the restaurant we would sometimes get coffee at closed down shortly afterward but that in itself was a perfect example of how quickly the area is changing.

It was very rewarding to get to know some of my neighbors through that project and to make friendships with my coworkers.  Despite living in this area for many years, that was the first time I got to discuss my views on the city with otherwise strangers. It was very exciting to see how much we all have in common.

I also used the internet to grow more connect in the literary community, although not nearly as many as some.  My main point of contact was a friend of mine named Sarah, who does a great deal to foster connections and community in the Orlando area, I wish we didn't live on opposite sides of a very broad city.

Following Sarah's example, I organized a temporary literary group this year for the NaNoWriMo competition.  Many people were complaining that there wasn't a set place or time to meet one another in the University area, so I committed to a time and got the word out.  I can't say it was a huge success but I did get to meet a handful of fellow authors and the people who attended had a good time.  It certainly was worth the effort!

In 2011 I would like to make an effort to reach out to a religious community of some kind, because I do have my faith, but I don't agree with my parents church or many of the church doctrines these days.  I think there is a lot of reward in having a faith based community to enjoy a spiritual connection in, but it cannot be one that is based on judgment or one wherein all the members are suffering under burdens that they want help with but do not wish to shed.  It seems to me that many of the people in church have social or psychological issues but they only want attention from others, or the ability to condemn others in order to avoid their own circumstances.  So, my hope is that I might come across a group that simply enjoys celebrating life and sharing joy over hardship.

Prompt 6: "Make"

December 6 – Make.
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
(Author: Gretchen Rubin)

 I should mention briefly that this blog is going to be kickstarted by participation in Reverb10, a way to reflect on the past year.  This is my 6th entry in that project, and I'm glad to be writing here now!

My previous blog was noted for it's verbosity, and I can't promise anything different this time. I've been sitting on this prompt for about three days now, mainly because of the second part that deals with unfinished projects.  I was going to list just a few, but I decided it would be healthier for me to make the list as complete as possible and to also answer "what's holding you back?" on each.  Why I haven't finished my projects isn't going to be so interesting for readers, but hopefully the range of them will.


 The last things I made were a Beef Bourguignon (have to let google spell that every time), and the materials I used were meat, vegetables, and a crock pot.  And some Burgundy wine. Which was foul in a glass.

On the actual construction side of things I helped my father replace the drain field in our front yard which was mainly accomplished with shovels and hard work, but did require a little creativity in crafting junctions into the pipelines.

 Now the Fun part!

Do I ever have things I want to make.  I started off trying to go in chronological order, and then reverse of that, but it's not going to be a clean list.  There's two ways you might interpret this.  You might think I have a real problem finishing what I start, but there's plenty of things I've finished too.  You might also think that I just have a lot of ideas, which use to be the case, and I hope continues.

About four years ago I got a really cool board game for Christmas.  I love board games, the more obscure the better, but this one is prized because of it's cool physical components.  The game is called Dread Pirate and is published by Front Porch Classics.  Basically four players move metal sailing ships around a cloth map to try and collect gems and gold coins, sailing with, or sometimes against the wind, and firing upon one another in a last man standing or richest pirate wins scenario.   I thought this was so fun that I wanted to expand the concept to accommodate eight friends at once so I conceived a new board.  I bought four additional colors of "gem stones" which are really those glass decorating beads, occasionally referred to as dragons tears.  I found small pewter ships that were uniquely different than the ones included in the game to serve as pawns, and I even tried my clumsy hand at sewing some new loot bags, as they play an important role in the game.  The biggest effort though, was visiting an actual fabric store to buy some natural muslin, and cutting a square yard to serve as a new map, I took iced tea bags and stained out new islands onto my "map".  I figured I just needed to take some colored pencils and perhaps a fabric sealant to it, draw a grid over the map, and I'd be set.  Unfortunately, one key element came into play, the map was actually too large for the table.  At that point I packed everything away and the various elements of Dread Pirate (8) haven't come together.  (I still think it would be so awesome to have 2v2v2v2 teams or 4v4, or a 6 player map...)

Speaking of board game projects, just before my apartment building burned, consequentially flooding my bedroom with debris and fire control water, I had purchased an expensive adventure board game called Descent.  It's basically a board game version of Dungeons and Dragons style adventure where players explore the depths for the mystery and rewards of treasure.  By shear luck the game board itself and all of the other cardboard components were still wrapped in sealed plastic, but the rules and the box itself were ruined.  So it's been my idea ever since to fashion some kind of cool box for the game, or to convert another box into a new home, and to print out the PDF of the rules readily available on the developer's website.  Here just a little time and a reason to make the effort are all I need, but I have other games that are similar and the friends that enjoy playing them have almost all moved to other cities now, so they go unplayed.  I figured if I liked how it turned out, I might even put other games into stylish boxes, so they could be decorative, not just filling space in a closet. 

On a more recent note, I thought I might make a new Christmas mix CD for friends for Christmas.  I really enjoy Christmas music, and I had two that I really enjoyed making in years past.  People still say thanks around the Holidays.  I've got about four or five great arrangements already downloaded, this one really just needs time and a list of people I'd like to send music to.

When I first went off to College, I was in the marching band, and as part of the opening week of band practice (band camp) a cool theatrical story about the band's history played out each night.  It's once of the best traditions at the school although only celebrated by a small portion.  As a result I got an idea in my head for a rain coat to wear around campus.  I bought black fabric for it, something that could shed water, and enough of it for my height. (That was my first trip to a fabric store actually, at least alone as an adult)  I bought a sewing pattern online, but never put it to the fabric and cut it out, and consequentially didn't make the cloak.  In retrospect, I'm kind of glad, because even with the planned pegasus on the front, I would have been a HUGE dork walking around campus with a cloak (only if it was raining, or night time...)  But it's a good indicator of how high my self-confidence was at the time.  Still have the fabric stored somewhere.  Along with some suit fabric that was on sale, when I bought fabric to make fraternity banner to take to tail gates, that never got made either because we just paid for the nylon flag.  Along those lines, I once used sand bags, vice grips, and clamps to fashion a shield blank out of pressed laminate plywood, with the intention of using left over fraternity spraypaint to make a replica of the fraternal crest (mostly because it's beautiful and I had not only drank the cool-ade, but pioneered at least two new flavors myself).  The curvy plywood is in a shed somewhere, uncut, unpolished, unpainted, and unloved.  I doubt I will ever revisit it.

Last month I participated in the National Novel Writing Month, and I was excited to try the Nudelkugeln recipe that one of their interns posted.  I told myself that when I reached the 35k (of 50k) word mark I would pop one of these in the oven.  But on the day I made 35k I spent an hour at the gym trying to rein in my waistline and despite the temptation I didn't make this rich dish.  I probably will sometime, but in my mind now it stands as a temptation of gluttony, or an achievement in self restraint.

I have a few gift ideas, well a ton, but a few specific gift ideas that never really saw much progress.  I bought the googly eyes from a craft store, and set aside a burlap sack to make a replica figurine of the animated character #9, but then the movie was only so-so and I decided it would make a pretty lame gift.  Also, I tried to picture making the goggle things, or fake eye, or whatever is on his face and lost hope.  I had thought I'd try that crayola fake-claydoh stuff for the body molding.

Some of my twitter friends in the UK knit.  Probably because it's too cold for the buses and trains to run, or when it isn't, they can sit on the bus or train and knit, but I have it in my mind to try knitting.  I think the internet could teach me, and I know there's some needles somewhere in this house.  I think my concept of masculinity restrains me in this case, and the fact that I don't know what I would make even if I had the ability.

When I was 21 I went through a very sudden treatment for testicular cancer, most of my friends know, and if you are just a casual acquaintance you'll go "aww" and be over it by the time I reach this period.  That's ok, I got through it, and enjoy using humor to diffuse awkwardness about it.  It's a cancer that mainly strikes young white (males, obviously), if you don't get it by thirty you're pretty much safe for life.  Anyway, afterward I really wanted to make a graphic t-shirt with a little inside joke to commemorate the recovery.  The idea was to take a green t-shirt (bought one from old navy) roughly the color of a pool table, and then print out a 3D perspective pool ball, the yellow one ball, and iron it on.  I got the transfer paper. I searched google images. I never got a "one ball" that I liked enough to make the shirt.  The transfer paper got stained or folded, etc. The t-shirt became a sleep shirt and eventually a rag.  This project would have happened if I had been better at photoshop or had the patience to not quit trying to learn it.  Or if I had asked for help from a photoshop savvy friend.  I'm really, really, really bad at asking for help.

I didn't finish the story from last year's NaNoWriMo, and I'm hoping to eventually return to it, and to finish this year's as well.  Both Novels will eventually be finished, even if it takes ten years.  This is just a setting time issue.


The third door on my pickup broke about a year ago.  I took it all apart by hand (with help from my handy sister) and found the broken piece.  I bought some JBWeld to fashion a replacement but it was dark by the time I got home from my quest to the home improvement store.  That's the best excuse I can come up with.  I put all the parts into the back seat of the pickup, and now they've rolled around for a year, confusing all the tabs, screws, bolts, and connections.  Finishing will take at least twice as long as it would have before, but my car gets such terrible gas mileage I never drive it so that I'd need the back seat for passengers anyway.  I did figure out that the thin plastic barrier under the door panel is intended to keep exhaust fumes out, not sound or cold.  Whoops.

I'd mentioned gifts for friends. When one of my friends introduced me to the awesome and bizarre world that is the webcomic Questionable Content I thought I'd thank them with a drawing of the characters.  Again, zero photoshop skills so it never went beyond the concept, but the idea was that the picture would come from the perspective of the TV set and each of the characters would be playing a Rock Band / Guitar Hero instrument that fit them, or some other household item modeling an instrument and having a great time.  Still think this is a great idea.  Not yet connected well enough with the artist to make it happen, but they would sell for him!

Another idea was a collage of photos, or one of those multiframe photos for a friend of mine who lives a very professional life. I think I gave him a framed photo before for his desk, but since he isn't married and has a great time when he visits, I thought I could print out some of the years of photos and get those sent as a gift.  This one just keeps getting forgotten. I'll forget it tomorrow before noon and remember it again in two weeks.

It's not really a traditional "make" but I need to make more room on my hard drives. They all sit at about 80% full, and most of the stuff on them is crap from the internet, not original works or material that will go into original works (like cool photos for a digital album or instrumental music for presentations).

Those were the projects off the top of my head.  I'm sure there are so many more I've forgotten or not even started.  Taking the time to write them all out will either give me closure to let them go or remind me to finish them. However, it was worth the effort to point out one more thing.  The thing I need to make most of all, updates to my resume.  I haven't updated my resume in over a year, despite a number of accomplishments and jobs, and as such I haven't been looking for work.  There are probably a lot of psychological things behind that, but it throws all of the above into interesting perspective, because I clearly have ideas, and unlike many, I actually have an abundance of time.

Which "makes" did you like? Do you have any similar projects waiting for motivation?

Soft Opening

I'm excited to announce a new initiative to share my longer thoughts and literary aspirations.  This is not my first blog with this site, although I have hopes that this one will enjoy a healthy lifespan beyond some of my previous attempts.  Myspace, now My [_____] ?, was suitable for a while because it was efficient at letting interested parties know when there was something of substance.  Facebook with it's small Notes function just doesn't cut it for conversation and dialogue, and Tumblr, although handy and simple, lacks the ability for readers to comment, and I really enjoy hearing opinions back.

So I'm glad to present Adamelioration, a play on my name and a word that means "to improve upon", the blog site itself is a play on my initials and my intention to use this space as an opportunity for personal growth.  I hope that doesn't sound too arrogant, but welcome criticism whenever my ego oversteps.

Welcome to AMgrowing.blogspot.com.